


Temerate

by tenmillionotters



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Emotional Manipulation, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-25
Updated: 2017-03-25
Packaged: 2018-10-10 17:30:50
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10443258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tenmillionotters/pseuds/tenmillionotters
Summary: “I don’t care in what kind of delusion you’re caught up but we ended this long ago -”“Listen. I don’t care that you’re a Washuu and I don’t care about your family being wealthy and powerful either. It’s not over until I say so… but I see you moved on to different shores, so… I’ll let you move on. Under one condition. Sleep with me one last time, then you’ll never have to do it again, or would you like me to tell your little pet what you used to do to me? He doesn’t look like someone who’d take the harsh truth very well… about your true nature.” Even though it was undeniable that Akihiro was beautiful, his eyes were dead and cold, there was no emotion in them, nothing. “I miss the time when you fully indulge in your perversion. Let me kiss that goodbye and you’re free to play with your dog.”





	

“What a cute little friend you have there.” A smile formed on Akihiro’s lips, he seemed to be rather amused by the scene unfolding before him. “So you transferred, huh? Your papa seems to be very proud of you.” 

“... is there anything particular you want from me…?” It wasn’t like him to be like this, at times it was hard to tell if he was genuinely kind or if it was just an act he was keeping up, but since he spent more and more time around Itsuki he felt as if the previous act was slowly turning into genuine kindness. Just not when… he was around. 

“Oh no, I was just passing by you know, we haven’t seen each other in a while…” He moved closer to Chika and let his finger slip into the collar of his shirt. “Don’t you want to have some fun again, aren’t you bored these days…? I have to admit, he is adorable, but nothing special, you can do much better than that.” 

“I don’t care in what kind of delusion you’re caught up but we ended this long ago -” 

“Listen. I don’t care that you’re a Washuu and I don’t care about your family being wealthy and powerful either. It’s not over until I say so… but I see you moved on to different shores, so… I’ll let you move on. Under one condition. Sleep with me one last time, then you’ll never have to do it again, or would you like me to tell your little pet what you used to do to me? He doesn’t look like someone who’d take the harsh truth very well… about your true nature.” Even though it was undeniable that Akihiro was beautiful, his eyes were dead and cold, there was no emotion in them, nothing. “I miss the time when you fully indulge in your perversion. Let me kiss that goodbye and you’re free to play with your dog.” 

There were a lot of things he wished he could have said to him, there were a lot of things he wished he could have done, but he knew exactly what kind of games he would play, little mind games that would slowly but steady ruin everything. He would lose everything he ever cared about, Itsuki was patient but their relationship was fragile, only growing and if Akihiro felt like it, he could destroy it forever. 

“Fine. Same time and place as usual?” 

“Ah, I knew you’re not that different. I’ll leave you alone with your puppy now.” There it was again, this unsettling kind of smile he wore when things were just going as planned for him. It felt like a knife’s blade slipping over Chika’s throat, slowly cutting him open, leaving him to bleed out like a pig in the slaughterhouse. 

“Chika, is everything okay?” 

“Maru -” God it was so relieving just to look at his face. “Yes… don’t worry, it was nothing.” He knew more than anyone else that it was inappropriate to do it in this time and place, but he couldn’t help but gently caress the other man’s face. “... everything’s fine.” 

It wasn’t. Nothing was okay, everything was horrible. He had to hide his face on his way to Akihabara. He had to pretend that it wasn’t him who was walking down the narrow passageways on his way to an expensive hotel. A cheap one would have done too, but Akihiro was picky. Only the best. He was disgusting, he wasn’t even in the position to be demanding. 

Was he late? Maybe a little bit. Akihiro was already waiting for him, with a triumphant smile on his face. “I’m glad that you came, so you’re really serious about Itsuki, hm? How sad.” 

A shiver ran down his spine hearing him saying his first name with so much ease, it was dirty, he had no right to do so and even if he couldn’t hear it, it was so wrong. “... I’d much prefer if you wouldn’t call him by his first name… just - just don’t mention him.” It was appalling to even think about the fact that Akihiro dared to bring him up in this moment. 

“Should we get down to business then?” 

Anything to end this as quickly as possible. 

The hotel room was small. Enough for them though. 

“I didn’t pick a larger room this time since I suppose you want it hard and fast right?” He laughed and his laughter echoed through the room and pierced through Chika’s ears and brain. 

“... I just want to get done quickly that’s it.” 

“Oh God, you’re so stuck up, relax a bit, you know you love this…” The young man quickly undressed and started stroking his cock in a lazy manner. “You always loved watching me, didn’t you? Mhm… Chika… come on, don’t be like that and fuck me already.” 

As much as he wanted it to be over, he couldn’t deny that it was thrilling. His body was so used to it, he was caught up in a mix of guilt, shame and lust. Just this one time… just this one time and it was over. Itsuki would never… 

“Quite eager are we?” Akihiro smiled, but soon his mouth formed an O as he moaned loudly while moving his hips in the same rhythm as Chika moved his fingers. It seemed like they were both quite eager. 

“You’re so loud today… did you miss this or something?” There was distaste in his voice, but also lust taking over. Itsuki wanted to take it slow. They never kissed, didn’t exchange any words of affection… but there was this mutual understanding between them that what they felt was love. Still, he found himself in a situation like this. 

“I missed your cock in my ass… very much so yes…. And now hurry up and fuck me.” 

“You never change… will you?” 

He was a moaning and whimpering mess, it seemed like he really enjoyed the feeling of Chika stretching him out. “I won’t change… because… so I know you’ll always come back to me…” 

“Stop talking bullshit.” Was he right when he said that he was perverted? Chika threw his head back and moaned loudly. “Fuck… you feel so good…” After all this time of holding back, all the time that he didn’t even get a kiss, being this close to someone else felt as if he was being rewarded for being patient. No. No. It was wrong, this wasn’t Itsuki, it was Akihiro. This wasn’t something he did because of love… 

“Oh God, yes Chika… harder… fuck me harder…” He slowly wrapped his legs around his hips, pushing him down, the headboard of the bed was banging against the wall of the room, but that was nothing out of the ordinary in this place. 

“Do you like that? Huh? My cock in your ass, you’re so fucking disgusting -” But his mouth was so sweet, he just had to close his eyes, close his eyes and pray for this to be over but it felt so good. 

Would doing it with Itsuki feel the same…? 

Why did he all of the sudden think about it? No, he didn’t want to think about it now, he wouldn’t be able to look at Itsuki after this but he would bother with that later, right now he only wanted to focus on the pleasure he got from this. 

“Maybe I’m disgusting but you still fuck me.” His moans mixed with laughter, the harder Chika moved the more it turned into deep growling noises that came from deep out of his throat. “Yes, yes… like that -” Feeling the other man jerking him off hard in the hope to make him come faster was so satisfying. He loved it, but at the same time he was having a breakdown, it was so delightful to watch him hate himself for something so utterly natural and beautiful. 

“Just fucking come already, come on do it -” It was hard to speak, he slowly lost control over himself and his senses, his voice was so loud he barely heard anything else. It was numbing, it was amazing. 

Hot pre-cum dripped over his hand while he pumped Akihiro’s cock eagerly, feeling himself getting closer and closer to reaching a climax himself. “Do you want me to come inside of you?” 

“Give me all you got -” Nothing unusual, really, it just felt too good. 

Chika dug his fingers deep into the mattress below him, he knew that once the orgasm would wash over him he’d only feel regret but he wanted to enjoy this. Even if it was just for now. Their voices mixed as they came at the same time, their bodies were so used to each other they even came insync. 

The only noise that was audible for a few moments was their heavy breathing, they never talked after sex. There was no need to share any sort of affection. They just did it to get off, nothing more. Chika turned away to get dressed, from this point on he didn’t care what Akihiro did with his life, now he was finally free… free to be with Itsuki… Itsuki. God. 

Just thinking about him sent his body into a painful state of numbness. What had he just done…? There was no way he could ever forgive himself for it but at least Itsuki had no idea - 

“... did you hear everything? I told you that he is only playing with your feelings.” 

Who was Akihiro even talking to…? There was a vague idea in his mind, something he didn’t want to admit, something horrifying but he couldn’t help but turn to the other man. He was smiling as usual, his cold dead eyes focused on Chika, there was this triumphant vanity in his smile as he played with the cord of the phone. “Oh no, don’t cry Itsuki… do you really think you are that special?” 

Chika’s eyes widened in shock, in this moment nothing mattered anymore, he leaned forward to take the speaker from Akihiro, he needed to know whether or not this was just a cruel prank but he heard the sobbing noises from the other side of the speaker, he knew it too well… this wasn’t a prank. It was real. 

“I-” 

Beep… beep… beep… 

“Oh no, too bad - he’s gone. Forever.” Did this give some kind of sick pleasure to him? 

The range of emotions that washed over him was indescribable, what did Akihiro expect him to do now? Beat his head against the wall until there was nothing left but red stains? Choke him with the cord of the phone until his face turned violet? There were a lot of things he could have done, but in the end he decided to leave without saying or doing anything. 

It was spring, still the nights could get so cold. Did it even matter at this point? Itsuki felt numb, still his hands hurt, the small pebbles at the ocean always pressed deep into his hands, left marks that were painful, but feeling anything else than emotional pain and numbness was more than enough. 

He let his body fall back onto the ground, hoping that he’d maybe hit his head hard enough to kill him instantly, but he knew that it was unrealistic. Still. One could dream. At least he didn’t cry anymore, that was a good thing, right? 

Maybe not. The world around him was still spinning, tomorrow would be another day… another day that he’d go to work and another day he would have to see him. Should he just smile and pretend it never happened? No, no he wasn’t like that and he also knew that he would never be able to hide the pain. 

‘Do you really think you are that special?’ 

For a moment he did. For a moment it did feel as if it was right, as if this could really work out and it was just not some kind of farce, that it was real. 

He let his hand drop on his chest, did his heart still beat? Probably. Why couldn’t that damn thing just stop… 

“Itsuki…” 

As much as he hoped for it to be a hallucination it wasn’t. “What do you want -” He immediately shot up just to fall back down, he didn’t want to touch Chika, not even if it was by accident, not even if it would cause pain. “Leave me alone.” 

“Itsuki please listen to me I -” 

“You what? You’re sorry? Sorry for what? We didn’t even date so... I wasn’t even special. Do you always do this? Go around and flirt with everyone, getting their hopes up? You know you could have warned me -” It wasn’t unfair, was it? He had every right to be upset. He had every right to hate him, but why did it hurt when he felt his tears drip down on his face. “... I h-” 

“Please don’t say it please do… not… say it… Itsuki please…” His fingers dug deep into the fabric of the other man’s shirt. “... I am so sorry… I am so sorry Itsuki, I know … I know it’s unforgivable… I… I shouldn’t have done it I’m so sorry… I love you.” 

It was something that should make him happy, right? Hearing something he had been waiting for so long, but instead it was dreadful, it was painful, it was dirty… but even so… 

Chika gasped in surprise as he felt Itsuki’s arms wrap tightly around him. “I hate you… you deserve every bit of… shame… and guilt that you feel…” His voice was cracking and breaking, he pressed the other man harder against himself. “... you’re not worth it… and still…” 

“... don’t -” 

“... and still…” Why did his face feel so hot? Was he still crying? “... and I still love you… so much…” Their lips touched and unlike the confession of love it felt different, it felt… right. Itsuki pulled back as he felt another rush of pain run through his body, he couldn’t deny that he was hurt, that he hated and loathed the man he was holding so tightly in his arms, but he also couldn’t deny how much he loved him. 

“... please forgive me…” 

“... I won’t. Not ever.”

**Author's Note:**

> The sex was consensual, cheating is always a conscious choice. I do not approve of any action like that and I do hope it didn't come across as if I do.


End file.
